Are You Chasing the Butterfly of Happiness

Is Happiness Like a Butterfly? Sometimes we treat happiness like it's an elusive butterfly in the garden of life. Imagine a young child in the garden on a summer day. He sees a beautiful butterfly flitting from flower to flower. He wants to see it close up, touch it, and hold it in his hands. But as he moves towards the flower that the butterfly is resting on, just as he gets within reach, the butterfly moves to another flower. And so the child follows the butterfly to the next flower, and then the next. But the butterfly always stays just out of reach. Even to adults, happiness can seem just like that butterfly: always just out of reach. It can become almost an obsession and the words “if only…” become an increasingly large part of our thoughts and vocabulary. "If only I had more money I would be happy, if only I was in a great relationship I would be happy, if only I could have a different job..." and the list goes on. This kind of thought life doesn't lead to greater happiness. If we achieve one of our “if only “desires, the happiness we seek somehow manages to stay just out of our reach. Do you remember the expression about the grass being greener on the other side? It's the same idea. Where does happiness come from? The truth is, we won't be completely satisfied by external events or circumstances. To find happiness in life we must first be at peace internally. External events and circumstances can bring us happiness in the moment, but they do not have a lasting effect on our inner self. Life brings a mixture of good and bad circumstances to everyone. To rely on life’s experiences for our source of happiness would mean living life in a constant emotional roller coaster ride. Wouldn't it be better to learn to have a steady feeling of contentment rather than be at the mercy of circumstances and be tossed from the high and low feelings like a ship in a storm? Happiness comes from within. The inner contentment that survives the roller coaster ride of life has its roots deep within our being. The source of happiness comes from finding and embracing who we are as a person, and living a life of purpose. We need to find peace in every aspect of our life- the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Acceptance, purpose and peace in all of these areas will give a sense of completion in life. Is happiness an elusive butterfly for you? Spend some time in quiet reflection. Are you neglecting one of the four important parts of who you are and experiencing a sense of emptiness within? The more you discover, embrace and accept your uniqueness and purpose, the more you will be able to stop chasing the elusive butterfly of happiness and instead experience the butterfly of happiness coming to you and alighting on your shoulder. You can read more about [...]

By |2020-08-02T14:27:33-04:00July 9th, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on Are You Chasing the Butterfly of Happiness
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Nature: One of the Greatest Sources of Happiness

The Cost of Time Spent in Nature Going outside is free!  Nature is there for everybody to stand and stare and take happiness and comfort from.  The trees do not distinguish between rich and poor, strong and weak, man and woman.  Warm sunshine is free; the glow of the moon is free. You don't have to pay for the cool breeze, warm seashore, towering mountains, smooth flowing rivers, or the dark and inviting forests. You can enjoy them all for free. Take Time to Enjoy Nature Around You Instead of sitting during a break, try taking a short, brisk walk outside. Take your lunch to a park or outdoor area and enjoy a picnic. This weekend, invite a friend to hike a nearby trail with you, or take a day trip to a park or forest. Explore someplace new! While you spend time outside, breathe deeply. Look at the sky. Notice how big the world is, how limitless the sky feels. Listen to the sounds of nature around you, and let them recharge you. The sky, the sun, the ocean, rain and sunshine, all are there for us to possess fully.  You can stare at the sky at any time and claim all of it for your happiness. For that moment, it is all yours. Let your time in nature alter your perspective on your problems. The universe, the earth even, is far bigger than our worries. Time away from our usual routines also gives us a break and lets our minds rest instead of running on the hamster wheel, rehashing a worrisome situation over and over. The Bank Account of Nature Just like the bank account where you keep your financial resources, nature is like a happiness bank account. When you need to spend money, you make a draw from your bank account. In the same way, when you need a happiness boost, make a withdrawal of time spent in nature. You'll feel the difference after spending even just a few minutes. For more practical ways to boost your happiness and more on the ways spending time in nature improves happiness, pick up a copy of my book, 21 Days to Happiness and see Day 6 on Nature: Step Outside for Happiness. Ingrid Kelada Business Psychologist/Happiness Expert KCC Inc.

By |2019-11-05T07:32:17-04:00June 11th, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on Nature: One of the Greatest Sources of Happiness
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10 Keys to Happiness

We are Always Pursuing Happiness Think about it ... every single thing we do is intended to make us happier. The people we choose to spend time with. The ways we spend our time.  And yet sometimes we get distracted and do things that actually move us away from this goal. We all have the potential for genuine happiness. We make choices throughout our lives. Each option is like a series of locked doors in front of us. We choose which path to follow and open the door we've chosen. The result of all these choices combined determines our level of happiness. Make the right choices and happiness can be yours. Ten Keys to Greater Happiness Here are some tactics we can follow on our journey toward genuine happiness: 1. Look For The Positive In Everything:  You know the old saying about a glass being half-full or half-empty? Finding the positive means choosing to focus on the parts of a situation that are going your way. Do this and you will be happier. Those who soar against all odds, do so because they look at the positive that could come out of their situation, how ever bad it may seem to others. 2. Accentuate The Positive:  From a young age we are taught what we must not do instead of what we may do. Don't run with scissors. Don't jump on the bed. Don't cross the street without looking both ways. Even in day-to-day life, there is more negative influence that positive. Luckily you can work to improve the balance. Phrase things in your mind as positives. Focus on DO  rather than DON'T. Celebrate the positive and work to get more of it. When you achieve something, congratulate yourself! 3. Practice Good Selfishness:  When we were young we were taught that putting our interests before those of others is wrong. This is particularly true for women, many of whom sacrifice their dreams and ambitions to help others achieve theirs. It is also common in the corporate world where the good of the company is considered more important than the good of the individual. Helping others and being a team player are important things, but we need boundaries to protect ourselves from being manipulated or abused by others. You are important, and you must look after yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. 4. Listen To Your Feelings:  Feelings are your body's messengers. They make us aware of circumstances around and inside us. Sometimes those messages are pleasant, other times not. Our tendency is to distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings or to resist them in some way. Sometimes we tell ourselves we shouldn't be angry or sad or frustrated by something that has happened to us. The next time you have a feeling like this, take a moment to stop and experience it. So what if it's caused by a situation outside your control (like frustration over rush hour traffic). Take a deep breath an acknowledge your feeling. You don't have to live in it, but pushing it away [...]

By |2019-11-05T07:34:25-04:00May 28th, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on 10 Keys to Happiness
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Secrets of a Positive Attitude

Managing Your Mental Diet Are you bombarded by thoughts of negativity? Have feelings of insecurity, stress or worry? This is normal... just watch the news and notice how many stories are negative and dramatic! You are what you mentally and spiritually eat. This is the time to go on a diet-- a diet of "positive attitude". You have to literally stop feeding your mind negative things. Ask yourself, is this thought positive or negative? What do negative thoughts look like? Well, they start with "can't" rather than "can", "no" as opposed to "yes", or focus on "won't" instead of "will". We tend to let our thoughts control us. Let's flip this around. Identifying the Subject of Negative Thoughts A great way to know what we are negative about is to ask those people who are closest to us. Ask your spouse or a close friend how they would rate your attitude on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being super positive and 1 super negative. Ask this person to be totally honest with you. You will benefit from their honesty. Ask this person what it is that you specifically say that they perceive as negative. What do you complain about? Write down what they say and look at the actual words. Now is the time to be honest with yourself. Those words are a reflection of what is inside you. They reflect who you are. Consider patterns that emerge. Are you sometimes negative about your health? Work? Relationships? Are you afraid of things which could happen but often never do? Flip the Switch The great thing is that you can change these thoughts. Complaining is just a bad habit! It is as simple as making a choice to do so. It's like flipping a switch. You must decide to replace the thoughts of negativity with thoughts of positivity. Decide to change the negative words on your paper to positive ones. Once you have done this, make an effort to insert these new positive thoughts in your mind. You will begin to notice a positive change taking place in your life. Your family, friends and co-workers will all notice it as well. They may not know what is different about you. But they will know that you are not the same person that you were. The items which are causing negativity in your life could very well be the news, negative people, replaying conflicts or stressful situations in your mind and the list could go on. Consider eliminating some negative sources if you want your new mental health regimen to be a success. You can do it. You can and will have a positive attitude, if you simply take the steps outlined above. You do not have to be what you were in the past. You can be different in the future. The choice is yours. I know you will make a positive one. You can find more on embracing a positive attitude and improving your happiness in my [...]

By |2019-11-05T07:35:57-04:00May 15th, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on Secrets of a Positive Attitude
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Work-Play Integration: The New Work-Life Balance

Integration for Life Harmony Balance. It's a nice word but the reality is hard to pin down. It may not even put us on the right track in our quest for fulfillment and happiness. Today we will talk more about  "work-play integration". Let's think about integration, which means bringing the various pieces of our lives into a cohesive whole. We each have many roles, goals, responsibilities and life plans. We have to consider all of those aspects globally and identify clear priorities. Identify Priorities Experience shows people best at balancing their lives are ones who have very clear priorities and their own clear definition of success. They know what's most important in their lives. These are people who can say, before it happens: if I have to make a choice between different activities, I know what my biggest priority is. Recognize the Choices You're Making Sometimes we fall into going through life feeling like we don't have a choice. We let the new promotion or the new demands of the job dictate what we do. This is not a balanced life road. We need to stop and reflect, communicate more with your significant other and your manager at work...basically be more pro-active and take charge. Take Time to Unplug It's easy to find we have too much to do. Technology has changed things and made people accessible 24 hours a day, encroaching on the peaceful "unplugged" time people used to have. Yet some things don't change. We still have 24 hours a day. We all have the same amount of time, and how we use it comes down to a personal choice. Use Management Skills in All Areas of Your Life For a balanced life, basic management skills have to be used at home as well as in the workplace. One of the reasons why many people prefer going out to work to working at home is that we're very organized in the workplace. We use time management there, and then we come home and just ride the waves, allowing  the latest problem that has cropped up to dictate our time. Instead, try bringing some organization into your home life. Plan a weekly dinner with friends or a family game night. Schedule an activity for yourself from time to time as an opportunity to take care of yourself and re-energize. Day 20 of my book, 21 Days to Happiness, focuses on creating happiness at work through the use of our strengths and talents. Check it out, and let me know which chapter helps you most! Ingrid Kelada Business Psychologist/Happiness Expert KCC Inc.

By |2019-11-05T07:38:10-04:00April 30th, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on Work-Play Integration: The New Work-Life Balance
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5 Great Reasons Smiling Makes Us Successful

Smiling is a simple thing to do, but it can make a huge difference in how we feel and how we're perceived by the people around us. Here are some great reasons to give us a grin. 1. Our smile shows others people that we are likeable and helps us connect. If a stranger or new coworker approaches you and gains eye contact with you and then treats you to a smile, you'll have a fairly good idea that they are friendly and likeable. Which type of person do you prefer? A person that has a tired or overly serious face; an expression that may reflect their inner thoughts of boredom and worry; or would you prefer someone who is usually smiling and shows that they have an enthusiastic passion for life? Few of us would choose a miserable person to talk to whether it's in our work or personal lives. Let's face it-- we all prefer someone who is going to be positive. 2. A smile can make people feel happy and is infectious. When someone smiles at you, even a stranger, you usually smile back.  For that moment you enjoy a flash of positive communication without saying a word. It's hard to feel unhappy, negative or sad while you're smiling. Smiling gives you enthusiasm and drive. It is also habit-forming. When you spend a lot of time in the company of someone who smiles often, you will probably find that smile contagious.  It is hard not to return a smile; most of us do it at a subliminal level without thinking. So don't wait for someone to start the happiness epidemic. Be the first to offer a happy face! 3. A smile makes you look far more attractive and memorable to others. You don’t see many celebrities or media personalities that are not smiling. If you did, it is fairly certain their popularity would quickly start to drop! Have you noticed you remember smiling people more than those that are not? It is a fact that you are three times more likely to remember a smiling person over the one  wearing a negative or neutral features. 4. The effects of smiling can last for hours. Whatever problems and challenges you have in your life, smiling temporary puts them on hold.  You can choose to see opportunities and become solution-oriented, and while you are in a positive state, you have far more potential and power to advance and improve your life. 5. Most importantly, smiling is good for your health. When you are smiling, you may find whatever you are doing far easier. It releases stress, worry and tension that you may have built up throughout the day. Long term, developing the smiling habit will be one of the smartest things that you can do to improve your life. Also, smiling is FREE! You are never going to run short of smiles and will always have enough to go around.  When you weigh the positive points of smiling, it's a no-brainer decision to do [...]

By |2019-11-05T07:40:18-04:00April 9th, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on 5 Great Reasons Smiling Makes Us Successful
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Staying Focused on What Matters

Are you in a hurry? When you go about your day, take a moment to look at the people around you. Do they look like they're in a hurry to get somewhere? Have you had the experience of asking friends or coworkers to meet for a gathering, only to be told, "Sorry, I'm super busy"? " Maybe you've been the one to have to put off get-togethers or activities because your schedule simply doesn't have openings for those fun events. Busy seems to be the "new normal"...I noticed it can be embarrassing not to be busy these days! It's easy to become chronically busy. It's easy to develop the compulsion to be successful as fast as possible. It can be tempting to feel like in order to achieve our goals, we have to compress five years of work into one, by moving five times faster! But what's the cost of this kind of fast-paced, high-pressured living? Make time to pause and reflect. If we push too hard and neglect rest and recreational time, despite all our earnest and wholehearted attempts to be successful, we run out of steam and lose our sense of direction. It's like focusing on the trees, but failing to notice the forest. We can end up running in circles because we've lost sight of what's really important: the things that bring us joy, like family, friends, and rewarding experiences. Those joyful things serve as a compass, giving us direction and guiding us toward happiness. When you notice yourself slipping into busy-mode, try setting aside a few minutes to reflect on what's important. Ask yourself these simple questions: · What do I value in life? · What does success mean to me? · Has what I've done today brought me closer to my life's goals? · How do I get from where I am, to where I want to be? Yes, these questions require you to think deep; do some soul-searching. But when you have the answers, your mind will be clear. It's like driving a car with a clean windscreen... you can see where you’re going! I suggest you clean your mental windscreen every morning by taking time to reflect. That way, your VISION will be as sharp as can be. Everyone needs a Vision – that vivid mental image of what you'd like to be, do, and have in life. Without it, we can't see which way we're headed. And the only way to develop it is to pause, think, decide then...go for it, one step at a time. Remember, life is not a race. Live an intentional life. We have a finite amount of time to spend here on earth. Don't you want to spend that time in a life that's happy and rewarding? I know I do! So take a little time to slow down, pause, and reflect. Figure out what's important to you in life. Then spend more time doing what's important, rather than being busy everyday or chasing an imaginary shopping list of what it takes to [...]

By |2019-11-05T07:41:11-04:00March 12th, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on Staying Focused on What Matters
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3 Steps to Deal With Worry

Are you a worrier? "I know worry works because nothing I worry about ever happens."   Have you heard of this quote? It sounds funny, but it's not far from the truth! It's normal to worry from time to time, but more and more people seem to worry about the smallest stuff. They also worry about the big things, too, of course, like health, relationships, and finances. Because worrying can be overwhelming and counterproductive, when writing my book 21 Days to Happiness, I decided to try to understand it through research and dedicated the chapter "Don't Worry Be Happy" to address how to decrease it. Maybe you'd like to know what to do about it. 3 Strategies for Peace of Mind: 1) Practice catching yourself. During a recent phone call with a friend, I caught the person worrying 5 times about 5 different things. I'm not kidding. "Hey, you're worrying again." What I've learned is that worry is a mental habit. You can change habits; but you have to catch yourself first in order to stop it. 2) Practice thought switching. Once you catch yourself worrying, decide to think about something else. By this I mean, think of something that is more positive, perhaps a project or passion that will take your mind off whatever you are worried about. Are you planing an event, a trip or have some work goals you could focus on? Remember, "worrying is like a rocking chair...it keeps you busy, but it doesn't get you anywhere." 3) Act, file, or throw it away. Decide to do one of three things: decide to address the issue right then by finding a solution; if you can't do anything about it at the moment, give yourself a time to address it later; or decide that it is not important and let it go. In other words, act on it, file it or throw it away. Awareness and acknowledgment are the keys to changing our habits. If you tend to worry a lot, try to lighten up. 95% of what we worry about doesn't happen. What a waste of time and energy that can be. Of course, if there's a problem, find a solution...but let's not imagine and create problems that aren't there! What strategies work for you? Leave a comment or post on my 21 Days to Happiness Facebook page to tell me about it. My book, 21 Days to Happiness, describes additional strategies for setting aside worry for greater happiness. Ingrid Kelada Business Psychologist/Happiness Expert KCC Inc.

By |2019-11-05T07:43:00-04:00March 3rd, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on 3 Steps to Deal With Worry
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Change Your Thoughts and the Rest Will Follow

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” - George Bernard Shaw Creatures of Comfort Change often has a negative connotation for many people, especially when we have no choice. We are creatures of comfort and we automatically seek out what feels good in the moment. We long for comfort and this usually comes from that which we know; that which is familiar to us. Our minds and nervous systems are designed to find and attach meaning to everything. Something new can feel stressful, even scary.Comfort in Patterns Your mind and your nervous system has to understand and adapt to the unknown and this process feels uncomfortable on many levels. Our nervous system works primarily by conditioning and by repetition we notice consistency and assume patterns. This system is really there to serve us in helping us being more efficient and to be able to do more, with less effort. Your mind is designed to always look for the best way. Through repetition we learn certain orders and sequences in which things happen and we learn to recognize and respond according to these sequences. We feel more and more confident when we are familiar with something. Recognize the Patterns Simply be aware of the fact that there is a part of you that responds and acts based on your past experiences and associations. The challenge is to go from one pattern, one that does not serve you anymore, to one which will serve you more. Adapting to change, whether at work or at home will feel uncomfortable at first, but rest assured that the uncomfortable will become comfortable as you form new associations and new patterns of association. Change is Inescapable Remember that old saying: "If you can't beat them, join them"? All of life is constantly in a process of change. Nothing stays the same. It's the nature of all of life, including you. Even if you do nothing, life will still change. It's tempting to resist the change and hold onto what we know, but doing that often leaves us stressed and unhappy. What if instead, you make the choice to initiate changes and embrace new things? Change is Growth The process of making the uncomfortable comfortable is the way we grow as human beings. As you become comfortable with new things, they become part of your comfort zone.  Expanding this zone expands yourself as a person. The need to grow and develop is a need that all humans have. Without growth it is difficult to be happy for any length of time. Although it feels uncomfortable in the moment, personal and professional growth feel fulfilling in the long term and make us feel good in a more lasting way. It creates a sense of pride in yourself. Change How You Think to Change How You Feel All change starts with a change of mind. You have to start by changing your thoughts about the change.  Find a more positive way to look at [...]

By |2019-11-05T07:43:52-04:00February 1st, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on Change Your Thoughts and the Rest Will Follow
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7 Unique Ways to Make Someone Smile

Making Someone Smile is Easier Than You Think. Do you want to put a smile on someone's face?  Maybe make their day a little bit brighter?  It doesn't have to take much time or money on your part.  In fact, many things can be done as a part of your normal routine and cost little or nothing.  We  often underestimate how people can be affected by an act of kindness and they are contagious, so it's well worth the small effort. Try out one or more of these 7 ways today, and put a smile on someone's face. Spread a little happiness today! 1. Send a positive message. We often don't take the time to send a positive email or text message. Handwritten notes are even more rare...just grab a "Post-It". Start a new practice: take a few minutes to write/send a positive note on a regular basis. You just might start an epidemic! 2. Take someone out to lunch or coffee or invite them to your home.  You will get to know each other even better than you do right now. If you feel like being more adventurous, throw a small party for several of your friends or colleagues and put smiles on a multitude of faces. 3. Give someone an inspirational book to read. You will feel good doing it, reading the book can change or inspire the person, and they will think of you every time they read it. You can share my book, 21 Days to Happiness, or one of the books from my recommended reading list! 4. Offer to babysit or take care of a pet for a few hours. You know the value of being able to have a few hours of "alone time" without worrying about the children and pets. Don't wait to be asked. Offer to do it at a time when the person can do something fun and relaxing. 5. Deliver a meal to someone you know that is sick or having a rough time. We have all been sick and know the last thing you want to do is to cook. There are also times when life is tough and it is hard to do all of the daily chores. You can be a tremendous help by providing a meal that can be enjoyed. 6. Volunteer your time to a local charity.  Every minute you dedicate will cause many smiles.  It is very rewarding to help without being asked. 7. Thank everyone that supports you throughout the day.  The list of those that you come in contact with is endless.  Remember family and friends, co-workers, teachers, store employees, janitors, those that deliver your mail and staff at restaurants. Don't Forget to Smile So there you have it. Seven ideas for ways to make someone smile. There is one more way that can't be ignored: reveal a genuine smile to everyone you meet.​ You will experience how easy it is to get others to smile! Learn more about happiness and how to spread happiness to others in my book 21 Days [...]

By |2019-11-05T07:44:56-04:00January 30th, 2018|Happiness Tips|Comments Off on 7 Unique Ways to Make Someone Smile
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