Leadership Tools: 4 Steps to Handle Difficult Relationships

We've all experienced them. We can't get along with everyone, right? Difficult relationships can be stressful, frustrating and exhausting. But it doesn't have to be that way. Unfortunately, there's really no way to run a business or be a leader or work with people without encountering some difficult relationships. With a few simple tools, though, you can learn to minimize the roller coaster ride dealing with these challenges. You can learn to manage your own reactions in ways that put people at ease and diffuse frustrating situations rather than allowing them to escalate into bigger problems. Here are 4 steps which will help you handle these challenging situations in your professional life. Realize You're On the Same Team. Whether the person you are having issues with is a customer, coworker, peer, or friend, recognize that the issue is the problem, not the person. You can't control another person's reaction or perception of the situation, but you can definitely control yours. Take a deep breath and change your focus: be on the same "team" with the person. Try to understand their point of view. Tackle the problem with them, not because of them. Focus on the Issue. Some people may have difficulty communicating or express themselves in a way you would like them to. Instead of reacting to the way a person delivers information, try to focus on the information itself. What is the actual problem? Try using reflective listening, and restate the problem back to the person. "What I hear you saying is, you're upset about this..." or "It sounds like you're bothered by what happened when...". Validate the Person's Feelings. You may not agree with someone, but empathy will go a long way toward mending a breach between business and customer or leader and team member. Take time to really listen to the complaint the person is sharing with you. Don't interrupt. Be conscious of your body language-- make sure your shoulders are open, arms not crossed, your body and face toward the person. Make eye contact. Nod to show you are paying attention and understand what's being said. Say something like, "I'm sorry this experience has made you feel frustrated." Let the person know that their feelings matter. You don't have to agree with the way they behaved or the solution they're asking for. Simply acknowledge how they're feeling. Shift the Conversation Toward the Outcome. Once you've listened and validated the person's feelings, you can begin to shift the conversation away from the problem and focus on the solution. Do this gently but firmly. Sometimes people get stuck in a loop, restating and restating the problem and exacerbating all the negative emotions associated with it. Draw them toward the solution with statements like, "I can tell this is really bothering you. Let's talk about what we can do to solve the issue." Sometimes the person wants an impossible solution which you're not able to provide. What you can do instead is focus on one actionable part of the [...]

By |2020-08-02T13:52:34-04:00March 31st, 2019|Leadership Tips|Comments Off on Leadership Tools: 4 Steps to Handle Difficult Relationships
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Leadership Tools: Building Your Ideal Team

  How to Build Your Ideal Team One of the best and sometimes trickiest parts of being a leader is having the opportunity to build your ideal team. Choosing the right employees can make a huge difference in the success of your company. Employees represent and translate your company's values to your clients. What do you look for in an employee? You probably already have an idea of the education or skillset you're looking for. But how do you determine if a person has the right personality or work ethic to be a great fit for your team? When interviewing prospective employees, always try to notice their energy level and to understand their motivators. Does he seem passionate about he's saying? Is she eager to put her skills toward the job? Build Your Ideal Team with the Right Values and Motivation Ask questions about what drives the person. Do his or her values line up with what's important to your organization and objectives? It's important to choose people who value your ideas and goals. People will respond to genuine connection. You'll also want to build your team to include people with a team mindset. Individuals with this mindset will be problem-solvers because they're invested in the success of the team. They'll look for ways to improve their part of the process because it benefits them and benefits the team as a whole. Ask potential applicants how they have handled workplace problems in the past. Did they deal with things in a way you'd like issues to be handled when working for you? Choosing People with Potential to Build Your Ideal Team Further As you meet with applicants, consider not only the current needs of your business, but what you hope to achieve in the next several years. Find individuals who suit your company today and can help you achieve those longer term goals. Look for their potential for the short term as well as future roles. Is this someone who could someday be a manager? Someone who might have explosive sales potential? Remember to hire for ATTITUDE first, as you can always develop SKILLS later. Tools to Help You Build Your Ideal Team One quick way to uncover this and other critical information about individuals is to offer them a Work Personality Index. This personality questionnaire takes about 20 minutes and provides a comprehensive assessment of work behavior. Collect behavioral data on a person's energy and drive, work style, ability to work with others, ability to deal with stress and managerial potential.

By |2020-08-02T13:58:01-04:00January 19th, 2019|Leadership Tips, Personality Tests|Comments Off on Leadership Tools: Building Your Ideal Team
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Leadership Skills: Motivate for Success

Great Leaders Create Great Leaders We’ve all faced the temptation as leaders to simply direct people by letting them know what we need done. Sometimes it feels like if people would just do what we want them to do the way we want them to do it, everything would be so simple. Great leaders resist that temptation because they know the most effective kind of leadership involves empowering their followers and team members to make decisions and take ownership of tasks. Remember: great leaders create more great leaders. Motivating people to take ownership is easier than you think. One of the key components is simply understanding what motivates your team members. What are their values? What do they need from their job in order to feel successful? What type of management style best supports that success?   Identifying Key Motivators You can figure out what motivates your team in lots of ways. When one of your team members brings a new idea or complaint, take the time to listen to what they’re saying. Not just the idea or complaint. Ask why this issue resonates with them. What is it about this problem that feels so important? Take the opportunity to involve the team member in the solution. If the problem is important to your team member, then the solution will be, too. Even if you can’t implement their ideas or solutions, try your best to make them a part of the outcome in a positive way. Compliments are another great motivator. Draw attention to your team members’ successes. Offer praise for a job well done. This might seem like a small thing, but too often in the workplace, we only hear negative feedback when we’re doing something that needs to be corrected. Positive feedback lets us know we’re doing well and motivates us to continue doing those successful things. It makes us feel valued and appreciated.   Tools for Success It might be difficult sometimes to see how different team members’ motivations fit together to benefit the whole group. It might be hard to figure out how to motivate certain people to invest in your goals. Or you might simply be looking for a more comprehensive way to identify what motivates your group. A great tool to help you understand what motivates your team members is a personality test. A test can help identify work motivators, areas of satisfaction and dissatisfaction, as well as provide a guide toward a more balanced work-life. All these things benefit you as a leader by making your team more effective. I recommend the Career Values Scale, which identifies all of these key areas in about fifteen minutes. Understanding how to best motivate your team helps you build the most powerful, effective group. It allows you to tap into the natural motivations of each member so he or she brings the best possible outcome to the whole group.   Ingrid Kelada Business Psychologist/Happiness Expert KCC Inc.

By |2019-11-05T07:29:15-04:00October 24th, 2018|Leadership Tips, Personality Tests|Comments Off on Leadership Skills: Motivate for Success
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Leadership Tools: Clarity in Communication

Clarity Begins with Our Mighty Minds Did you know our brains communicate information at the rate of some four billion neuron impulses per second? All that information feeds through our senses, and yet we're only consciously aware of about 2,000. That's only 0.00005%. If you stop to think about it, you'll begin to notice things you normally wouldn't be aware of. The feel of air moving in and out of your nose, throat, and lungs. The touch of clothes on your skin. The thrum of your pulse. The number of things in your field of vision- most of which you probably weren't actively looking at. Before I pointed these things out, you probably didn't even notice them. The good news is that our brains have developed highly sophisticated ways of sifting out the less important information and pushing the important stuff to the top of our notice. This keeps us from getting overwhelmed with the vast ocean of data being registered in our minds every minute of every day. Assumptions Create Gaps What isn't so great is the fact that this can allow us to make some wrong assumptions as our brains sort and filter the information. Some gets deleted, some distorted, and some generalized. Lots of times, those processes serve us well, but sometimes the mind connects dots it shouldn't. Sometimes we don't even realize that's happened. You've probably had an experience like this: you have a conversation with a coworker. You think you've communicated your ideas clearly. You think you understand his point-of-view, too. Only later do you realize what you thought your coworker was asking you to do isn't actually what he meant. You've made an assumption based on some vague information, and now you have to go back and fix the work. Our assumptions can create gaps in communication. Sometimes we realize we need more information and can ask for it right away. But other times we don't realize it until a problem arises. Pursuing Clarity Examples of vague statements can be things like, "Make sure everyone appreciates our efforts," or "Increase morale in the team." What do you think those statements mean? What action are they asking for specifically? There's a lot of room for interpretation! The best way to avoid problems arising from vague statements is to improve your communication skills.  Be aware of the pitfalls of miscommunication- loss of time, productivity, and frustration among your team members, for instance. Learn to recognize vague statements and ask clarifying questions. "What do you mean when you say this...?" "How would you like me to accomplish this task?" "What kind of results are you looking to achieve?" Asking these kinds of probing questions will help your team focus on the important tasks at hand and help filter out harmful assumptions. You'll build strong communication between yourself and your coworkers. All of these are key to successful leadership.   Did you know that 80% of people don't ask questions when someone's not clear?  Let's change that number...ask [...]

By |2020-08-02T14:25:55-04:00September 12th, 2018|Leadership Tips|Comments Off on Leadership Tools: Clarity in Communication
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Leadership Tools: Conquering Fear

What do you fear?Stop for a moment and think about this: what keeps you from living your dreams?What problem tends to dominate the average person's life without us even noticing?The answer: FEAR!People live every day in fear. Fear of not delivering, of dissapointing others, of being judged, of losing wealth, fear of conflict with loved ones, fear of making the wrong decisions. We are afraid to be ourselves, afraid to grow up, afraid to make commitments. The list goes on and on.Think for a moment. Does this apply to you? The fear of living life to the fullest may have paralyzed you. If you let it, this fear will cause you to hold yourself back in your business and in your personal life.Most people live life in the grip of this fear without ever becoming aware that it has control over them. Fear can turn your dreams of financial freedom, loving relationships, and a fulfilling and significant life into a pattern of bad habits like procrastination and negative self-talk.Conquering Your FearsThere are two questions you need to answer to conquer your fear.Which fear has the most control over your behavior? (Is it the fear of failure, the fear of rejection, the fear of success, or is it all of them?)How do I interrupt the bad habits that I have developed as a means of protection from this fear? (How do I interrupt the programming-- patterns of self-sabotage, avoidance, procrastination, etc.-- I have within me?Answers to these questions will provide you the keys to overcoming your fears. If you can answer them, your life will forever change.The reality of fear is that it is human and is a part of life. It’s not going to go away. Some fear is even healthy! It is a gift given to you to keep you safe.Every person is born with instinctive fears, like fear of falling, fear of loud noises, and fear of abandonment. These fears help you monitor what is going on around you. Think about it: fear gives you the adrenaline rush that helps you escape a situation that is really, truly unsafe and the same rush that causes you to fight to win.So what caused the gift of fear to be the number one problem in society today? Why do people let fear control their actions, beliefs and lives? The answer is the difference between reacting to fear and acting in fear. It has everything to do with your belief system.Children typically react instinctively to fear, which is appropriate behavior at this age. As we age, though, we learn which sounds truly signal danger (a fire alarm, for instance) versus which are startling but harmless (a car backfiring on a nearby street). It's important to recognize that our fear response doesn't always mean danger.Take that same knowledge to your fears about your business or relationships. What events trigger your fear responses? What can you do about them? Make a list of possible responses to those fearful situations and keep it where [...]

By |2019-11-05T07:23:03-04:00July 3rd, 2018|Leadership Tips|Comments Off on Leadership Tools: Conquering Fear
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Leadership Tools: Effective Listening

Effective Listening Isn't Waiting Your Turn to SpeakAll too often we are far more enthusiastic about talking than we are listening. Yet effective listening is vital for effective communication. Would you believe that most conflicts are simple misunderstandings?When we are actively listened to we feel valued and are far more likely to be engaged and compromise if necessary.Listening is about far more than words. Watching facial expression and body language is often a far more accurate barometer than the words that are being used. For example, think about the way you know a genuine smile from a false one. A genuine smile reaches the eyes of the person smiling. A false one is usually just an upturn of the lips.10 Tips for Effective ListeningHere are some practical tips to help you develop your listening skills and improve your communication with others.Make eye contact. Looking at a speaker's face helps you focus on them and tune out other distractions. It also helps reinforce to the speaker that you're paying attention. Here's a quick tip: notice the person's eye color.Consider the speaker's body language. Is the speaker relaxed, sitting back in a chair with an open posture? Is he anxious, fiddling with his hands and glancing around rapidly? Does he seem closed off with crossed arms or legs?Manage your body language. Angle your shoulders so they face the person speaking. Nod occasionally. Don't multitask...be 100% attentive!Ask relevant questions. Effective listening means asking the speaker to clarify when you are not clear what's being said. Asking questions shows that you are interested.Practice reflective listening. Repeat the main ideas back to the speaker, beginning with something like, "What I hear you saying is..."Use open-ended questions. Ask who, what, where, when, why, how? Give the speaker time to respond to questions.Monitor your tone. Be careful of the tone of your voice when you respond or ask questions. It is all too easy to come across as judgemental or as an interrogator.Use empathy. Acknowledge difficulties, but be careful not to fall into the trap of going into anecdotes from your experience. “I sense that you are finding this rather difficult,” rather than, “Oh, I know, it happened to me only like this...”Take notes. This demonstrates that what is being said is important to you and that you will follow-up to action items and requests.Take a real interest. If you are simply going through the motions the lack of sincerity will be obvious to others. Leave your ego behind, concentrate on the other person.Try these effective listening strategies at home and at work. Use them with peers, people you lead, and your bosses. Watch how it impacts your relationships. You'll find people feel more comfortable with you and trust you more, which can only help you be a better leader.Ingrid KeladaBusiness Psychologist/Happiness ExpertKCC Inc.

By |2019-11-05T07:31:41-04:00June 19th, 2018|Leadership Tips|Comments Off on Leadership Tools: Effective Listening
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You are Your Own President

Welcome President YouCongratulations! You are the president of your own nation, and it is called "Imagination"...get it? "Imagi-NATION". This particular nation is the driving force behind your life and is the underlying factor for your future. You have an enormous responsibility as the President of this nation because its success depends entirely on you. Its entire population (you!) can't succeed without you. Whoa! That's a lot of power.You're in charge! Take a minute to internalize the power you have as the President of your own life. Among many things that you have is the power to choose and/or consider. You get to hold the votes on who is allowed to live in your nation and on how your nation operates.It's so exciting to think that we are the CEOs and designers of our life. Each of us has the ability to imagine such powerful dreams for our future, which can change the destiny of millions of people. Let's think about a few people who had unreal imaginations -- Henry Ford imagined an 8-cylinder car and then achieved it. The Wright Brothers imagined men could fly and then discovered a way to make that possible. Ask yourself right now, "Where did they all dream of those achievements first?" The answer to that question is...They did their dreaming in their own nation called Imagination!Create Your Ultimate TeamAs I have written about in the past, you must create and begin to maximize your mastermind team. Look around you. Who in your life can best help you to build your best life? Who inspires you? Who encourages you and comes through on their promises? Who is ready to help if you need them? Recruit these great people to your team!This team will empower you to build an incredible Imagination and make others wonder why you are achieving such an awesome level of success. As the president of your Imagination, make it a point to inspire others to create other phenomenal imaginations of their own. The world needs many people who are proud of their own "Imagination”.Evaluate Your PresidencyTake some personal time and evaluate how you are handling your nation. Are you proud of what you are imagining you can be or what you can do? If you answer that question truthfully, you will either be enthused or disillusioned. You truly need to re-examine your nation. I suggest that you brainstorm, which means to take some time for yourself and just write down all the dreams that you have but never even wrote down. Write down 100 dreams or goals and then put them away for 2 days so that they can sink in a little. When you go back and read them, notice one or two which jump out at you. Identify these as goals or dreams you need to focus on as you begin to design with your own Imagination. Use those dreams to create wealth for yourself and your team in every aspect of life -- spiritually, physically, and financially!I challenge you [...]

By |2019-11-05T07:33:54-04:00June 5th, 2018|Leadership Tips|Comments Off on You are Your Own President
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Vital Leadership Question: What Does Our Organization Reward?

 A Good Leader ListensWhat sets leaders apart? Good leaders not only ask good questions, but they actually listen to the answers. Ask people in your organization: "What does our organization REALLY reward?" Listening to the answer may help you achieve a huge increase in results.Over the years I've worked with thousands of leaders, and I've learned that many organizations reward the wrong things.Some organizations may pay lip service to rewarding people for what is viewed as the right things: getting the right results in the right ways. But what they may really reward, often in terms of promotions and job perks, are things like "not rocking the boat", seniority, managing their image, working HARD, but not SMART.Transform Wrong Rewards into Right ResultsHere is a way to transform wrong rewards into right results.1. Find out what your organization really rewards. Take some time to ask the people in your organization what brings them the highest rewards. The answers may surprise you. Resist the urge to get caught up in those answers. Don't make value judgments. At this stage, you are just an observer. Simply compile the list and ask them what they would find more motivating.2. Execute a "Stop-start-continue" process. Gauge each item on the list against results your organization and employees really need. Does it help get results? Does it detract from results? For each item, identify the problem and who controls the solution. What reward do you stop, what do you start and what do you continue?3. Evaluate what your leadership rewards. When your leadership rewards the wrong things, you're getting a fraction of the results you're capable of. However, since we see the faults of others more clearly than our own, it may be more difficult identifying and dealing with your own issues rather than your organization's. Work with a trusted team member to be sure you're giving yourself a fair assessment. Use the stop-start-continue method to improve your own leadership reward behavior.Continue to Pursue the Healthy Reward System in Your Organization--Set aside special times and places to have your team focus exclusively on rewards evaluation, making sure they continually link the answers to what's important to them, thus increasing results.--Keep the link between right rewards and better results in sharp focus. This is not an academic exercise. It's not meant to simply make people feel good or vent their frustrations. Don't devolve into name-calling and finger-pointing. The idea is not to use the rewards evaluation to punish anyone or as a platform for stirring up dissatisfaction but instead for what it is meant to be: a powerful tool to get people engaged.Commit to Ongoing Evaluation for the Best SuccessYou'll get results, but don't expect overnight success. Just keep asking, What does my organization really reward? In the long run, when tackling the challenges that comes with listening to the answers, you'll be getting better results as well as sharpening your leadership skills.People often complain about a lack of recogntition, let's stop talking about it and start doing [...]

By |2019-11-05T07:35:25-04:00May 23rd, 2018|Leadership Tips|Comments Off on Vital Leadership Question: What Does Our Organization Reward?
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Taking Responsibility as a Leader

 "With great power comes great responsibility."Who could forget the ever-famous line from Spiderman, spoken by Peter Parker’s uncle: “With great power comes great responsibility.” In the movie, society expects Spiderman, a comic book, TV, and movie superhero, to take responsibility for saving his town or even the world from evil because he has super powers.Indeed, he never lets us down. With the power he possesses, he makes sure to be responsible in using it for the good of the people around him.Leadership is not all that different from being superheroes. Yes, you may not have super powers like Wonder Woman and Spiderman, but you have the power to lead other people towards success. This is so much greater and stronger since it is a power that can be used by real people in this real world.Being a leader requires a great sense of responsibility.The power to lead your people toward your vision comes with responsibilities like making sure they are working in the right direction, being aware of each and everyone’s tasks and getting them back on track when needed.Who said it is easy to be a leader? Well, it's not…It comes with tons of responsibilities. True leaders are willing to accept them all.There are instances where sometimes it can be tempting to blame somebody else when something goes wrong on a task.A leader should take full responsibility. HIs role is to communicate the vision and priorities clearly, then set everyone up for success. He has to coach, guide and provide feedback and recognition.Model the behavior you expect from your team.With competing priorities and back-to-back changes, some balls may get dropped. What a leader should do is to accept the fact that something went wrong, even if it is not his fault. It is normal that we cannot always deliver as planned or promised. These situations are opportunities to learn something. As a leader, this is a coaching opportunity. He should ensure that the team members learn from these misses and that they know what to do next time. Model the behavior you expect your employees to display in response to problems.You are not expected to have full control over other people's actions, but you have full control of your own reactions. Some of my more demanding clients find this challenging! Knowing how to handle unexpected and unpredictable situations makes you a trustworthy, responsible leader people will be proud to follow.Ingrid KeladaBusiness Psychologist/Happiness ExpertKCC Inc.SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave

By |2019-11-05T07:37:34-04:00May 7th, 2018|Leadership Tips|Comments Off on Taking Responsibility as a Leader
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